Patience Jonathan And Her $31m; Of Crass Idiocy, Naivety And Honest Arrogance, By Nkannebe Raymond

Throughout the duration of her stint in the plum office of the First Lady (an office unknown to our constitution by the way), which she almost brought to a parallel with the more exalted office of the presidency evidence of which is had in the manner we are told she flexed her muscle around the seat of power something that reminds one of the late strong woman of Kenyan politics, Mrs. Lucy Kibaki (while her husband, Mwai Kibaki held sway in that east African nation), Dame Patience Ibifaka Jonathan has never left anyone in any doubt as to her stupendous senility and capacity to confound.

Ever since she lost the vantage position from which she thrilled Nigerians in her unofficial office as the chief comedian of the federation, Mama Peace as she is fondly called, with her notorious distaste for “Blood sharing” has obviously lost the spotlight of the media, for a woman who arguable love to make the headlines. But the lull in media attention was to end soon; only that when it came, it wasn’t for her infamous usage of the English language and the therapy it became for a nation that finds a way to make a joke out of anything.

Early last week, news filtered in that she was fingered to have lined millions of dollars to the tune of $31 million, in a certain dollar account she operates with four commercial banks, including Skye Bank Nig. Plc by the anti-graft agency EFCC. Reports also had it that the EFCC had since frozen the accounts albeit without a court fiat in order to secure the allegedly stolen funds while investigations continue. But Mama Peace is not the type to be silenced by the antics of the EFCC. She has since mounted a loudspeaker telling anyone who cares to listen how the EFCC is “finding her trouble”. She has also instituted a Fundamental Right enforcement action at the Federal High Court in Lagos claiming 5 billion naira in exemplary damages through her legal practitioners, First Law and Associates.

Never mind, she was only a permanent secretary and the first lady in those good days and God knows no one could have amassed a quarter of that sum, within that slim period without engaging in, and overseeing a never-seen-before-bazaar of sleaze and thievery. Could it be her own moiety of the DasukiGate? Or was she also engaged in the business of snake husbandary as events of the recent past in our polity has proven snake-rearing another cash-cow but which i wonder why many of our people are not making frisk investments in it .

But Mama Peace was not done: she said part of the money was for her medical bills which leaves us wondering whether she is an out-patient at some foreign health facility battling Pneumonia, ovarian cancer, HIV and Tuberculosis at the same time. One writer said, may no body ever spend such a sum on health concers. How much serving and ex public officials like to wave the health flag at the least prodding. Remember that Dasuki has sought times without number to be allowed to travel abroad to take one or two doses of paracetamol. Even Olisa Metuh at one time or the other waved the health flag before he finally secured his bail.

And so what do all of these tell us about this woman and the administration that ‘gifted’ her to us? Our good man, Sam Omatsaye has the answer. Writing in his column for The Nation Newspaper of 19th September, 2016, on the same character, he said, “…her revelations tell us two things among others. One, she unveiled how people in high places take away money in stealth, except that she is not prepared to hide hers, because she believes it is her money. Two, that her husband was not able to tame the wife. She is the shrew that got away. An English newspaper once wrote that President Jonathan lacked the ability to control his wife. He could not play the tamer in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew where Catharine is made from a wild woman into a model of obedience…”

Mama Peace’s open admission of being the proprietress of these humongous sums which she has been barred from having access to, and the manner in which she has carried on about it, shorn of any remorse is both astonishing and mindboggling. It is the poster of her drunkenness with impunity. Her utterances for one, has made her come across as one who feels that her years of (dis)service to the nation earns her some perpetual immunity no matter the height of her undoing. This must be the delusion that leads her into throwing unveiled tantrums here and there prevailing on a beleaguered nation to believe that she earned such amount of money from doing almost nothing and hence shouldn’t be dispossessed of it. What only a palpable delusion and incurable idiocy can beget. Perhaps Mama Peace deserves to be told a thing or two. The GEJ era is long gone with its good and its bad, and a new administration has since taken over the affairs of the nation. While she obviously has eluded being tamed by her spouse, the Law is not the respecter of persons be they how ever so high.

Not only is she naive in her dispositions, she is also unskilled in her thievery. Of course she might have gone away with ‘her’ money. If she was subtle, calm and clinical, she might have carted away the money in guise as did others. She could have been a step or two further than the EFCC but even that too was so difficult to come by leading her into raining fire and brimstone like one cursed and struck by the gods.

But can we ever say a thing about Patience Jonathan, without mentioning his Goodluck whom she loves so much, but who also must bear the burden of the cacophony and otiose commentary generated by these revelations? At a time when the man is crowned and honoured across the globe for his democratic credentials; the only takeaway of his rudderless leadership, a wife who obviously proved difficult to tame continues to be a source of embarrassment even in his post- Aso Rock days.

Rather than go about in vainglorious chest thumping and a show of puff and ego, Mama Peace should rather go on her knees and apologise to Nigerians for the part she took in the pillaging of our common patrimony. She deserve to wake up from her trance and come back to reality whatever might have stung her. The law suits she has lined in virtually every court in the federation, would only serve to exacerbate and compound her woes. A better path is a visit to the EFCC to explain the circumstances bringing her in connection with such staggering sums and at worst, cutting a bargain. Anything short if this can only be at her peril.

We trust the anti-graft agency to follow this particular matter to a logical conclusion and once a prima facie case is made out, drag to court this unabashed and garrulous matriarch who carries on like one citizen whom the nation cannot call to order. Her arrogance offends. Her naivety, sui generis!

The writer, a legal practioner and public affairs commentator Writes from kano. Comments and reactions to Raymondnkannebe@gmail. Com