#LetterToSisters: Managing Friends’ And Exes’ Hookups By Chinedu Hardy Nwadike
Hell no! Letting your friend date an ex is more like watching your friends reach the highest level on a game you couldn’t play and on the other hand where they can’t handle it, you feel like they are damaging everything you have built.
The truth is the truth and no matter how you see it, every time you and your friends hang out with your boyfriend, just know that one of them could be the next girl when your reign ends. This always happens when you are the one who called the relationship off.
While you and your friends played all your games, there is always one that is close to your character and if they are better, congratulations because she might be your successor. There is no guilt in the heart of a guy in making this move, it is only for the girls to deal with it and it most cases, it is the ink that draws a battle line between good friends.
What is even an ex?
An ex is simply someone you no longer need in your life unless someone is still getting pension. Relationships are not like civil service where one is connected to the job till death, it ends when it ends and this is one thing ladies should see.
Exes are usually on the trash can. Unless he is a nice guy, you can then keep him in the fridge, hoping to use him someday. Few people move on after a relationship, others hang on somehow. You want to know who he is dating, if she is better than you and so on.
Who needs a friend?
Exes often make good friends but this is not about that type of friends. Your friends give you cover in relationships, they lie for you and defend you. They also enjoy with you and celebrate with you. They console you in time of heartbreaks and they advise you when you want to take funny steps.
That will be for people with good friends. Just few people operate in that zone. The rest are a bunch of girls claiming to be friends but are just competitors in the ‘men-market’.
We all needs friends, someone who will always know where we are and all of it. And whether we like it or not, we need someone who might be succeeding us in our relationships. To bad.
Do we hook them up?
I know there are people who might have done it, but I would just say that nobody does that. No one in their right senses would hook up an ex with her friend. These two people just hook up on their own.
It usually starts for your good and when that is achieved, the motive shifts to them and please don’t hate her because she is just another girl in love.
When you dump a guy who can call your friends, he calls the best of them because you no longer takes his calls. He tells her about all the good times you shared with millions of reasons why you are not supposed to walk out on him. With time his love turns to hatred and even when he cannot help it, there is only one person to speak for you and this would be that trusted friend of yours.
She calms your ex down especially the silly guys who are planning on hurting you. She becomes his comforter and friends and that is the beginning of another love story.
You will never know what this friend is going through because even though she started falling for this guy in sincerity or out of pity, she still tries to fight for your interest each time your name is mentioned.
While she is busy fighting for you, you usually have one sentence for the guy which is, ‘forget that guy’
When you can’t forget him
There comes that moment when you see that your so called trusted friend is always answering his calls and chatting with him, what are you supposed to do?
Be happy for her like you have never met the guy that is making her happy or hate her for betraying you.
What happened to all the ‘forget that guy’ you said? What happened to your present relationship? Or do you want to pack everything along?
This is just a crucial time in every friendship because you know that titles have switched and you are now the friend while she is the girlfriend. You imagine him calling you to ask if she is around. It really hurts but makes no sense, so live with it.
I think our friends and exes are all independent people. Every option is open for them to choose from as long as they are not stepping on your toes.
To me, this is simply being selfish. Blocking people from getting to each other when you neither have nothing to gain or lose but just your ‘worthless’ ego to protect.
Sisters you can do better and live freer when we let people who you no longer have in your hearts fly freely. That is the true definition of moving on and maturity.
Chinedu Hardy Nwadike,