Our Governor Has Gone Mad Again; By Akin Osuntokun
The first prognosis was made on March 19, 2014 from a Washington case file where the patient presented with the below stated symptoms-definitive pronouncement is however subject to further clinical investigation.
Acute stress disorder, Adjustment disorder* Amnesia Anxiety disorder* Antisocial personality disorder* Bipolar disorder* Borderline personality disorder* Brief psychotic disorder* Delirium Delusional disorder* Disorder of written expression*
The patient volunteered the following information
“Is the massive killing (by so-called Boko Haram) state sponsored? … the arms, ammunition and explosives being used by so-called Boko Haram are not manufactured in Nigeria. With military check-points mounted everywhere and with only the president, the vice-president and their key staff and governors of the states on one hand and the Nigerian military on the other, who pass these points unchecked, we could safely assume that it is one of the two groups who conveys these weapons up country from the port(s) after custom and security clearance.”
“The security situation we are … facing in Northern Nigeria today could be sponsored, financed and supported by evil minded and over-ambitious leaders of government and the society for political gains. There is simply no person(s) in the North-eastern zone rich enough to foot the financial and logistic bills on Boko Haram activities. Somebody outside the zone must have bought these arms, ammunition and explosives somewhere and conveyed them up-country through numerous check-points and put them in safe-houses in the states ready to be used by the appointed killers”
“There have been attempted assassinations of a number of states’ governors including my good-self and the Governor of Benue State; a number of top traditional leaders of the North including the Shehu of Borno and the Emir of Kano, our senators and top business people have also been attacked in broad daylight and escaped death by the skin of their teeth! Who had given the executive ‘orders’ to kill us? Is Northern Nigeria facing another demonic agenda similar to that which wiped away its political and military leaders and killed a number from the Western Region in January 1966?”
The medical examination of the patient was repeated on April 20, 2014 in Nigeria. In addition to the earlier diagnosis, the patient further presented with similar symptoms and there is clear indication that he may go on indefinite remission. The symptoms are under-listed as
General adaptation syndrome* Hysteria Intermittent explosive disorder* Narcissistic personality disorder* Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder* Oppositional defiant disorder* Post-traumatic embitterment disorder*
The patient was in a highly excitable state and spoke non-stop for one hour as follows:
“Clearly the victims of the administration’s evil-mindedness are substantially Northern Nigerians. The administration is bent on bringing wars in the north between Muslims and Christians and within them and between one ethnic group and another or others in various communities in the region. Cases of mass murders by its bloody minded killers and cut-throats are well known, but it attributes the killings to so-called Boko-Haram”
“Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that virtually all the soldiers of Northern Nigerian origin recently recruited to fight Boko-Haram have been deceived in that aspect. They are being poorly trained, totally ill-equipped, given only uniform and are killed by their trainers in Nigerian Army training centres as soon as they arrive in the Nigerian Army camps being used by so-called Boko-Haram insurgents. Virtually all the Nigerian Army soldiers killed/murdered in these operations so far are of Northern Nigerian origin”
“The North-east is under occupation. The North-west is under assault. Now their tanks and marauders have begun rolling into the North-central. The North is under occupation. Yet we are still silent! Nigerians, this is the first time we have collectively elected a citizen of this country from the former eastern Nigeria as a president. Dear citizens of eastern Nigerian origin please note that this federal administration under your son is giving you a very bad name! One is quite sure that if you had condemned the cold-blooded murder of political and military leaders of northern and western Nigerian origins in the night of 15 January, 1966 by your sons it would not have led to the subsequent massacre of the innocent and the Nigerian Civil War”
The patient in question has been a most unique discovery and peculiar revelation in this politically warped era. In his capacity for dangerous mumbo jumbo and delinquent logic he is comparable to Bukar Sukar Dimka of the February 13, 1976 aborted military coup fame. Among other pathetic gaffes, Dimka was remembered for the ignominy of pronouncing a dawn to dusk curfew! Even though he cuts a pitiable figure, he succeeded in cutting down perhaps the most charismatic president Nigeria ever had — the late General Murtala Mohammed.
In the same league with the dangerous juvenile escapade of Dimka was the similarly aborted Gideon Orkar-led military coup of April 22, 1990. Both idiotic flops were announced well into the mid-morning when the streets were already teeming with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day activities. Orkar’s inanities were heralded with the excision of five states from Nigeria and the revelation of a homosexual-centred administration! Confronted with failure and its dire consequences, Dimka and Orkar went for broke and made the last ditch desperate gambit of testing the capacity of beer parlor gossip to incite internal insurrection. By the logic of induction, one can explain the failure of both enterprises by generalising from the hare brained coup speeches.
The patient has taken the liberty of the freedom of civil democratic rule and the immunity of his office (no matter how heinous the crime) as licence to deliver a stupid but nonetheless dangerous treasonable speech. It is funny and disingenuous-in his consistently funny missives, that he attributed Hitlerism to President Goodluck Jonathan in a situation in which his own submissions are a poor mirror image of the garbled and poorly written Mein Kampf. The Jonathan of Nyako’s imagination must be a total stranger to Nigerians. Contrary to the critical universal perception of the president as a recessive, tentative and retiring leader, the patient has described for us a superhuman evil genius of Hitlerite dimensions.
Dangiwa Umar has warned us of the possible consequences of kicking and pushing the meek to the extremity of hacking his back against the wall. History is indeed replete with numerous instances of the creation of vicious despots out of leaders whose temperament run contrary to despotism. Beware of what you dare, you may just get it. One more reason I’m very angry at the patient is how the urgency of responding to his volatile fulminations has distracted me from properly fraternising and sympathising with the victims of the cumulative disasters of penultimate week.
It is particularly cruel of people like our patient to milk the trauma (apologies to Wole Soyinka) of the innocent souls who are being daily asphyxiated from the noxious fumes of the toxic air pollution they emit. And if there is anything worse than the figurative Boko Haram crisis it is the politicisation of the military. And our patient is too much in a hurry to do so by the short cut he provided in recalling ‘the demonic agenda of January 15th 1966’.
It was a sad day indeed for the Nigerian military when it was caught in the web of the misinformation over the search and rescue mission for the abducted students. But I choose to believe the best of our military not the worst. And I would attribute the goof over the numbers rescued (or found) as a genuine error rather than call them a liar. I will think of them as friends and patriots who are fallible and not with malice and condemnation.
There is a variant of opinion in Nigeria today that has persistently and maliciously attributed bad faith to the military operations against the insurgency. Statements are routinely made to ridicule and demoralise the valiant young men who daily make the supreme sacrifice so that you and I can dwell in relative security and safety.
People have wondered-what is it that the terrorists and their highly-placed interlocutors want. If for whatever reason they are unable to articulate what they want, we can proceed to discern this from the effects their activities have fostered and created-even if it is potentially so. And that is ungovernability and stigmatising Nigeria as a terrorist haven. And in my opinion all this murderous fury is invited to a large extent by the interminable power struggle to capture power at Abuja. In this regard, the National Conference has its job cut out for it and that is to (even if that is the only item achievable at the conference) purge the central government of its destructive leviathan status.
The writing of today’s column is peculiar in one respect. It is the first time I can recall that people (who are in a position to do so) are recommending what I should write on. And they were unanimous in suggesting I say something on the statesmanlike statement General Mohammadu Buhari issued on the bombing of the Nyanya motor park. There is really nothing I can add to all the commendations and praises that have been rightly showered on him. What I can add is that my closest extended family member, Professor Akinjide Osuntokun, is an unrepentant fan of the General. The glowing recommendation he gave him (exaggerated and highly contestable in my opinion) is more than sufficient goodwill Buhari should expect from the whole Osuntokun clan and lest I forget, Professor Osuntokun is an APC chieftain.
He wrote: “I believe things are so bad in Nigeria that we need somebody of his character and persona to fix it. This I believe is in the collective interest of Nigeria and in the interest of the future of our children. This is a man who has been a state governor of what is today the entire North-east of Nigeria, Petroleum Minister and Head of State and he is not known to have vast amount of money through corruption unlike others who have held these posts before. Corruption eats deep into the body politik of Nigeria and we need nimble hands of a surgeon like Muhammad Buhari to operate it.”
Do not hesitate to leave your opinion in the comment section below.
To contact Abusidiqu.com for Article Submission and Advertisement or General inquiry, send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org