Comedian Alibaba Narrates Encounter With A Lagos Big Babe
Weeks back, I was talking with General Gowon, he had a bone to pick with me, IRO how some comedians are taking the comedy Licence too far. He had just hit a sore part in the conversation, when a call came in, I peeked, XYZ Fan Lagos, so I silenced it. General Gowon said, go ahead, you can take your call. I said, I will call the person back. And I heard him out. I had to.
When he was done with his meal, I called the comedian involved, a senior comedian and he tendered his apologies. Luckily, the comedian was in Lagos. So, before the event ran out, he came personally to apologize. General Gowon even gave the guy 20k for transport. (Guess what he gave me? A pat on the back. And NA me make call).
All sorted, I remembered XYZ Fan Lagos, opened phone to make the call and saw a text:
“DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING LIKE? YOU CELEBRITIES ARE ALL THE SAME. ARROGANT FOR NOTHING. I AM A BUSINESS WOMAN, I DONT NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU. JUST WANTED TO SAY HI. LEARN TO BE HUMBLE AND PICK YOUR CALLS. IT COSTS YOU NOTHING. ITS FANS THAT GOT YOU WHERE YOU ARE. YOU JUST LOST A FAN. HAVE A NICE DAY”
I took it all in, went through what happened again in my head and replied by text:
SORRY, I WAS BUSY. TRUST YOU ARE GOOD? NO VEX, WHATS UP?
And the fan’s reply hit me like a punch:
“TOO BUSY FOR YOUR FANS. ARE YOU THE FIRST TO BE POPULAR? WE CALL…. (Name withheld) AND HE CAN TAKE OUR CALLS ANYTIME. WHO ARE YOU?”
That’s how XYZ FAN LAGOS became “DONT PICK 215” on my phone.
I know there are some people out there that would quickly say, why didn’t you pick the call, when General Gowon said you could pick the call. You obviously have not lived with older people. How many times, did you hear your Mum, while you were young tell you to take something that was offered to you on a casual visit to some family friend, and you knew right away it was a trap? Them no born you well to drink that Maltex. You simply say NO THANKS, and swallow your Maltex induced saliva. I know a trick question when I hear one.
Some others would argue, why did you not answer, and say you will call her back? Really? Did you not hear that what I was being talked to about was something bothering on another shade of disrespect, only more grievous?
I am a celebrity, if I can call myself that, but heyyyyyy! I get my life too. I am also a grown man, a grand father, and a fan too. I don’t call people I celebrate like that. Can you imagine me beefing Gamaliel Onosode for not taking my call? Or Bola of Jacob’s Cross, for not replying my text? I FAMZING people too. I call big men too. When they don’t pick, I send them texts. Sometimes I even send text asking when it’s ok to call. Sometimes. I get called back.
Agreed being popular comes with these trade hazards, and some celebrities have their noses in the air, I dare say, one bad apple DONT spoil the whole bunch. Surprisingly, these are the people who are even more craved and raved as celebrities than the ones that rub shoulders with fans.
Till tomorrow, if a fan calls me and I have something more important than being MR nice guy, sorry, important wins! That also goes for when I am driving. That’s importance right there. In fact, that is N25,000 to the FRSC coffers that I am not ready to pay. Unless it’s a new number plate. That’s important. Not to mention that it is life-threatening-important. If I have an accident while taking the call, same fans will say, maybe he was drunk. Maybe NA God punish am. Maybe… NA blood money. Or illuminati
Maybe, you are one of those fans that thinks all your calls must be answered, get a grip and get a life!!! Even Almighty God called Samuel 3 times. He didn’t stop calling. So if you call and your call rings out, send a text. “Hey, guess you are busy. I am a fan. Just wanted to say hi. Have a good day”. This kind of text, not only gets you a call back, it drops “fan” from your name. Could get you a random, out of the blues wazzzzap call sef.
The customer is always right, they say. True. But sadly, some of you are not buying. You are not even customers. You are not even window shoppers. You just want to be FAMZING on celebrities that others have made! Mscheeeeew! The real fans understand. Real fans send birthday cards. Real fans create fan pages. Real fans pray for celebrities success. Real Fans are not those who wait at car parks to ask for anything for the boys? Full-grown-above-NYSC-age9-limit-men claiming boys! TUFIA!! Real fans meet you at airports and buy you a first class ticket… I hope
I REST MY CASE!
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