$9.3M Seized Cash: 32 Ways to Explain #DollarsCashGate By Olusegun Dada
The Nigerian government wanted some cache of weapons in South Africa which of course is needed to fight our worst enemies “Boko Haram’’. I am not a weapons person so I can’t really say for certain what $9.3million can get us on the open market. So our government immediately hatched a fool proof plan to get the weapons from South Africa. Here is the timeline of operations according to our government’s explanation:
- They needed weapons for fighting Boko Haram or whatever it is government does with arms purchased from foreign companies.
- Now, our President alone owns about 10 jets on his fleet and asking for one more. We have hundreds of military planes that could have been sent on such a mission
- The government could have charted a cargo plane. Even if it didn’t trust Arik because of the row with Omojuwa over his Ipad, there are still reputable cargo airlines out there. Afterall, $9.3m is bigger than an Ipad
- Our government then decides to charter a private jet from a company who then leased the jet from a company in which Pastor Oristejafor has ‘’Residual Interest’’
- Bear in mind that Pastor Oristejafor is Our President’s (The owner of the Nigerian government’’ close friend and spiritual adviser
- Those kinf of coincidences are what makes conspiracy theorists like me make a living
- So the Nigerian government conveniently forgets to tell the SA Government about the arrival of our arms money in its territory. Horrible oversight
- So rponto! $9.3m is loaded into the jet that Pastor Oritsejafor has ‘’residual interest’’ in
- Again we must remember that since Pastor Oristejafor has only ‘’residual interest’’ in the company, he doesn’t need to know what activities the jet is used for
- Pastor Oristejafor got said jet as a birthday gift from his ‘’Church Members’’ who are so blessed by the good pastors lifestyle and anointing.
- Plane Move from Abuja on the 6th of September 2014 for south Africa carrying two Nigerian civilians and one Israeli with links to Mossad.
- The flight crew is instructed to wait on the tarmac and bring back both men and weapons to Abuja by the 7th
- Now this method of getting Weapons is totally different from the original method employed by countries who sell arms to each other
- The method employed by the Nigerian government to get these arms is one used usually by gang leaders and terrorists.
- Since we can’t buy weapons ourselves, we decided to get an Israeli to help us. As the Israelis too beg us to help them get weapons into their country.
- The cashless policy we just introduced doesn’t stop us from carrying much liquid cash around.
- $9.3million in Cash, jet, two Nigerian civilians and an Israeli are detained on arrival in South Africa.
- Sahara reporters break news and most of political sitting-on-the-fence-twitter said it was a lie straight from the pit of hell.
- The Nigerian government finally wakes up from its slumber and remembered it sent a jet, N9.3m and three people to South Africa.
- Ayo Orsitejafor finally remembers his Jet is missing and identifies the one Sahara reporters are reporting as his.
- The Nigerian government finally owns up to its mistake. The money is theirs; the jet is for a company that leased it from another company that Pastor Oristejafor has interests in. Residual interests
- CAN (Christian Association of Nigeria) isn’t the owner of the seized jet but releases a statement anyways blaming the trio of Nasir El-rufai, Lai Mohammed and Sahara Reporters for the woes of its president.
- Press release looks like it was drafted in Wadata Plaza by Olisa Methu because it comes with the accompanying bitterness that Methu is known for
- The Nigerian government absolves Pastor Oristejafor of all crimes. After all he is a man of God.
- Fuel scarcity hits the capital city and most states. A bomb goes off in s lecture hall in Kano
- No one bothered to ask what is a pastor’s business in business
- A bomb goes off in s lecture hall in Kano
- That is the Nigerian Government’s story and they are sticking to it.
- Thanks for being Donuts as usual.
- Hope you enjoyed my story
- Follow me on twitter for more direct engagement @Dolusegun @_Dolusegun
- Change is needed. Stop electing idiots!
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