11 Reasons Why Your Partners Cheat On You by Wole Sosanya
Two weeks ago, I posted a question to my daily blog followers and friends on a universal issue that has become very popular in families today. It used to be a shameful thing, but you can well say it has now been ‘normalised’, nothing to be ashamed of! What a shame! I was told today of someone I respected so much, cheating on his family. In fact, that sort of instance happens every day. Well, let’s establish this: the trap to cheat on your family knows no race, class, colour or religion. It is not just for the rich. Interestingly, the ‘broke’, the ‘struggling’ and the ‘imbalanced’ are all welcomed into the dirty club without any discrimination. The force of the habit can be described in the same way humans thirst for a drink or hunger for food – their body demands it. It’s like being addicted to drugs- addicts can or will do anything just to get a sniff. People don’t think about the consequences when cheating.
So, the question is: why do couples cheat on each other in relationships? Why? Who’s to be blamed? How can we stop or prevent it from happening in our relationships or to people we know? What advice would you give someone if they confided in you that their partner was cheating? I know it’s a lot of sensitive questions to dabble into.
A man with warped morality will cheat on his partner. Even the strongest of men have been caught indulging in this guilty pleasure, which although initially seems harmless, has become a killer trap.
You’d be surprised that some cheating people are silently crying for help, but too ashamed to admit they have a problem or seek help from the appropriate quarter. They’re never at peace with themselves. I’ve not seen anyone that cheats that has peace of mind. They always look over their shoulders to be able to keep up with their lies. The bible describes cheating as a pleasure that lasts but for a moment. A dear friend described it as ‘pleasure to problems.’ It will create more problems than pleasure for you.
Let’s consider some of the ‘whys’ some of my friends shared with me- the reasons people cheat. I am aware this is not a clear, black and white issue – it has grey areas.
The 11 WHYs
1. The number one ‘why’ many people pointed out was communication problems- lack of communication, the quality of it, assumptions and not been able to convey and deal with deep issues.
2. Belief systems, lifestyle, world view and technology
– some have ideas that cheating should be expected and be an accepted part of being married.
– In external factors such as advertisements, men and women have become so sexualised.
– When you go out on the streets, chests are falling and dropping all in the name of summer.
– Some people may believe trying out other partners (while still with their partners) would make them happier. Belief that the grass is greener on the other side (though, in fairness, some grass are greener, but cultivate yours)
– Some men believe going after women and getting them is proof that they are real men.
– New beliefs and ideologies: In an extract from her new book, the controversial sociologist, Catherine Hakim says it is time to redraw marital rules – with a radical rethink on fidelity. She claimed the recipe for happiness: An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex. She hailed the internet’s role in making affairs possible, saying affairs are ‘no more a moral issue than eating a good meal’ (telegraph.co.uk)
3. Background issues and childhood experiences – some people grew up to accept cheating as the norm and standard to pattern their lives on.
4. May be a momentary weakness – men tend to possess insatiable sexual urges or go on the loose based on what they see….the best of all men is still weak. It will only take a man with a well-trained mind to control such feelings. And don’t forget sex can be cheap or sometimes free.
5. It can be psychological issue- a deeply-rooted need/issue that even the cheater cannot explain.
6. Could be because of unresolved issues between the husband and wife. Either party can use it as a means to get back at their spouse.
7. Some are too ‘spiritual’ to satisfy their wives or husbands. Many hide under spiritual exercises and send their spouses out indirectly.
8. Undefined relationships with colleagues and friends, and influences from friends and colleagues
9. The woman starts to let herself go and the man doesn’t feel attracted to her. He feels their sex life is boring. Lack of excitement. Neglect. Taking your spouse for granted, thinking he/she can’t leave.
10. Lack of contentment, greed and selfishness
11. Lack of self control and indiscipline. One of the key reasons for cheating is simply lack of self control. It’s very easy to say no to what you don’t like but how do you say no to what you like – that is self control.
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